“May The Odds Be Ever in Your Favor.”

Been feeling really anxious lately.

Anxious about the unknown, the what’s next. Its true, what my mother said: “You’ve been going since you graduated college.. Some down time would be good.” But I don't like “down time,” I fear stagnation. I don't like the feeling that I’m not doing enough. I’m certain many of you can relate to this feeling. Especially you native New Yorkers. No offense to the others, but New York has a way of busying you, “Get busy or get lost,” “move it or move out the way,” “bulldoze or get bulldozed,” and on and on, but you get the picture. I’m almost certain that it is this mentality that has caused so many, especially us Millennials, to suffer from anxiety.

A friend and I were discussing anxiety and we took turns trying to define what it felt like. “It feels like my mind is moving at a speed my body is struggling to keep up with,” I said. The suffocating surge in my chest, the shallow breaths, the tingle beneath my nose bridge and slight dizziness in my head. It comes, it goes, sometimes it lingers for a while.

This feeling, out of control, can drive one to break down or feel like they’re on the brink of insanity.  I’ve experienced a breakdown- the anxiousness climaxes to a point my body can no longer control so, in an effort to expel the flood of physiological responses, reflexes and malfunctions, I burst into tears. Sometimes I just deeply inhale and the tide of tears recede back from where they came and the rush subsides, only to return shortly after forcing me to repeat the deep breathing, which lends a greater hand to my overall lightheadedness. So, I close my eyes and rest my head.

“Slowwwww down!!!” I remember my mother telling me on numerous occasions as a child. I was usually fumbling and mumbling with my words, an early indication that my mind ran faster than my body could react, in that instance my mouth.

But slowing down is easier said than done especially in that 23-35 age range! This is when life gets fast, and like a hamster on a wheel, we instinctively try to move faster in order to keep up.

That quiet suffering in that small space between “I did it” and “I’m doing it.” That space where “what’s next” is a holding cell that’s locked and under 24/7 watch by your fears and misconceptions of life. It’s can be a scary place. A  dark, and often lonely space.

But, it’s not all bad.. the anxiousness. Sometimes the surge comes subsequent to an idea not yet conceived, a mere thought. The excitement, unattainable, relishing in the possibilities. My mind racing, grappling through the darkness hoping to grab hold of something that would make it all make sense. Physically and mentally out of breath. Taking deep breaths trying to steady my thoughts, steady my mind. My hands shake and my head spins. I’m physically fatigued. I stop. Shut  down shut off. I go blank. But out of all that chaos the beautiful thoughts remain. The ideas!

Maybe anxiety is our physiological responses to the Power of God. What if He was giving us a taste of our own power? His spirit stirring within our minds and bodies nudging us into unknown territory which naturally is a scary place. None of my degrees end in PhD so what I’m saying here should not be taken as medical advice but,  what if instead of thinking of anxiety as a sickness, something that need to be treated and/or suppressed, we learn to harness that energy?

What if?